last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
