This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
