Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
