btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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