I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My dick has a subreddit
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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