I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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