sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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