She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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