I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
