Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
