I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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