I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
