Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
