Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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