Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
