I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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