____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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