I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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