90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
