Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
