I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize