I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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