I think my vagina is haunted
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
