Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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