I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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