he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize