I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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