you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She bit a glass in half.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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