Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
