You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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