pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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