why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
