Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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