Christians are straight up FREAKS
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
