I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
