some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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