1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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