the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize