They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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