He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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