she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're too hungover to prance.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
