I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
