What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
