i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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