His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
