I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
