WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
