Come see our sink grown plant.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We're too hungover to prance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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