ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
