Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
