I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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