i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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