Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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