So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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