There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
