I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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