I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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