I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
