Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
