Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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