i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
