I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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