I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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