He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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