Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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