You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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