I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
tell me about the fingering
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
