she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
