Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
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i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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