This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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